


Deception at it's Finest

by inthebathroom



Series: Deception, Betrayal, and a Whole Lot of Feelings [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternative title: Deceit Reminding Everyone of Bill Cipher for an entire book, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Betrayal?, Deceit is a slimy boi, Deceit lies a lot, Don't read this fic if the description of panic attacks could be triggering to you, Everyone Needs A Hug, Facing Fears, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, I need sleep, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Inspired by a whole jumble of things, Kidnapping, Logan doesn't like to admit that he's wrong, Logan is bad at feelings, Logan is very upset, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Nightmares, Nobody listens to Patton even though he's right, Panic Attacks, Patton doesn't like to believe bad things, Post-Episode: Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, Prinxiety eventually, Remus is bad at keeping secrets, Roman doesn't trust people easily when he feels betrayed, Roman has trouble forgiving people, Roman is pissed, Someone help Virgil, That's right. This is a series., Thomas isn't mad, Trust is a hard thing to earn back., Virgil is bad at feelings, Virgil needs help. Please help him. GUYS COME ON HELP HIM., angst fest, but it might not happen in this book, but not really?, everyone makes mistakes, he just feels used, honestly everyone is bad at feelings, if you were expecting fluff, no beta we die like men, please don't be mad at me, please help me, this is honestly all angst, virgil is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 12:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20097310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthebathroom/pseuds/inthebathroom
Summary: "Virgil, take my hand and I'll forget about your betrayal. Come on, the three of us can go back to the way it used to be. The way it was meant to be.""I'm never going back.""Then I suppose I'll just have to remove you from the equation."Virgil had known that the reveal that he used to be a dark side would come with some shock, but he had hoped they'd be able to quickly move past it. After all, Thomas and the other sides had accepted him before, they could do it again. Right? Unfortunately, reality never seems to turn out the way he wants it to. Now, the others don't seem to trust him, and Virgil is starting to think they might be right. What if he hadn't changed as much as he thought he had?





	Deception at it's Finest

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for checking out this story i came up with while sleep deprived. I hope you enjoy this, even though it's entirely composed of angst. I have big plans for this story, so I hope you deal with my angst fest until the end. Feel free to comment asking questions, or just let me know what you think of the story so far.

The words that Virgil had just said hung in the air like a fog cloud, blocking out everything familiar and leaving only the unknown. It was as if everything that Thomas had thought he had known about himself had been turned on its head, and he didn’t know what to think anymore.  
“Because, I was one of them.”  
Virgil had expected some shock at the reveal of his past, but this? This terrified him. The confusion, hurt, and fear on Thomas’s face was not something he was ready for. Thomas, the guy Virgil had worked everyday to prove himself to, was afraid of him again. In a few words he had thrown away years of work. In just a few seconds, Virgil’s hopes that the acceptance that he had gained would still apply after telling Thomas the truth vanished. Trying to stop the tears that were welling up in his eyes, he sunk out of the room, appearing in his own room back in the mind palace.  
Shaking with fear and frustration, Virgil slid to the floor, silently letting the tears he had been holding back slide out of his eyes. All of his work to move past his past, everything he had done, it was all for nothing now. That look on Thomas’s face, the fear in his eyes, Virgil couldn’t stop thinking about it. That was the way Thomas had looked at him when he first surfaced. That was the way he looked at Deceit and Remus. That was the way Thomas looked at people he felt betrayed by, and Virgil hated being on the receiving end. Thomas hated him. Thomas hated him so much and-  
“Kiddo?”  
Shit. Virgil was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t realized how heavily he was breathing, or that the silent sobs were not quite so silent anymore. If Patton had heard him, did that mean the others might have heard him too? Even if they hadn’t, Patton would want to know why Virgil was panicking, and then the others would find out and they’d hate him too. Who wouldn’t? After everything he’d done, they had a right to hate him, didn’t they?  
“Alright, buddy. I’m coming in, okay?”  
A moment later, Patton rose up in his usual spot in Virgil’s room, only to hastily move away from the spider patterned curtains. He spotted a figure curled up in the corner of the room, shaking underneath the over-sized hoodie he was wearing. Virgil.  
Virgil flinched, feeling a hand touch his shoulder, forgetting for a moment that the one who must be touching him was Patton and wouldn’t hurt him.  
“Virgil, hey. Look at me.”  
Virgil looked up, revealing his face, stained with tear tracks and runny black eye shadow. He focused on Patton’s face, reminding himself every few seconds that Patton was the one standing in front of him, and not Thomas. Patton didn’t know what Virgil had done. Patton wasn’t scared of him. Patton just wanted to help.  
“Good, now take a deep breath.”  
Virgil sucked in a shaky breath, and let it out again. Then, he repeated it, breathing becoming less and less shallow each time. This was familiar. Patton had helped him do this before, many times. It had been a while since he had had a panic attack now, though, and both of them had hoped he had gotten past them. Clearly, though, he wasn’t.  
Soon, Virgil was calmed down for the most part, though he was still shaky, and Patton had wrapped his arms around him in a hug.  
“That’s right, it’s okay. You’re okay, I’m right here.”  
Virgil nodded, breathing slowing to a more normal pace, and shaking stopping for the most part.  
“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Patton asked, looking at him with concern. Virgil knew what he must be thinking. What could have happened that caused him to have a panic attack after so long?  
“Not really,” Virgil muttered, tearing his eyes away from Patton, as if his father figure might be able to read his mind by looking into his eyes. He didn’t want the others to know sooner than they had to. Of course, he couldn’t keep it a secret forever. He was sure the other sides would find out from Thomas why Virgil was never a part of their discussions anymore. That was, of course, assuming that Thomas wouldn’t want to see Virgil again after finding out the truth, but it seemed like that was the most likely outcome at the moment.  
“Well, I won’t make you say anything, but it usually makes you feel better to tell someone how you feel. Remember what song we sing when we think hiding our emotions would be easier than talking about them?”  
Virgil couldn’t help but smile slightly, remembering the lyrics. “You don’t have to hide your pain, life without rainy days is incomplete,” he sang. Well, a more accurate description would be that he managed to get the words out of his mouth, even though his voice was incredibly raspy at that moment in time.  
“That’s right!” Patton said with a grin, “So, do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”  
Virgil sighed, and decided that he could tell Patton. He would hopefully understand, or at least maybe agree not to tell the others until Virgil was ready.  
“I messed up, Patton. You should have seen the look on Thomas’s face. He was terrified. I made Thomas scared of me.”  
Patton blinked a couple of times, as if he hadn’t expected that answer, “I’m sure you didn’t do anything too bad, I mean, maybe you might be overreacting a bit? I mean, your anxiety could have been heightened because of Remus’s appearance, right?”  
“No,” Virgil said, shaking his head, “That isn’t it.” He took a deep breath, hoping this time it would go better. “I told him that I used to be a dark side.”  
“Oh well that’s… Wait a moment, what?”  
Virgil looked up at Patton, expecting him to be horrified at the news, but the only emotion on the other side’s face was confusion.  
“You were a dark side?” he asked, “Why wouldn’t you tell us?”  
Virgil stared at the ground, “Because, I was worried that you wouldn’t ever accept me if you knew who I used to be. What I used to do.”  
“Well, you’ve changed, right? You’re still one of us, no matter who you used to associate with.” Patton grabbed Virgil’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I mean, sure, I didn’t expect it, but there’s no reason to be scared of you. I know you’re a good guy, Virge.”  
Virgil smiled slightly, glad that at least someone realized that the fact that he used to be a dark side didn’t change the fact that he had changed for the better.  
“Do you want to tell the others?”  
Oh no. That was the question Virgil had dreaded. He didn’t know if the others would accept the fact that he used to be all buddy-buddy with Deceit and Remus so quickly. In fact, he found it highly unlikely that they would accept him at all after that. Patton, however, probably thought that they would all give Virgil a hug and move past it. If Virgil told Patton he didn’t really want to tell the others, he wasn’t sure what reaction he would get. One one hand, Patton usually liked to respect others’ wishes when it came to something like this. On the other hand, Patton hated lying to people, and every time he tried, he wasn’t remotely convincing.  
“I don’t think I feel comfortable telling them yet,” he sighed.  
“Oh,” Patton said, sounding slightly surprised and more than a little conflicted. “Well, if that’s how you feel, I’ll respect your decision.”  
“Thank you,” Virgil said, pulling Patton into a hug. Thank goodness Patton had agreed not to tell the others. He didn’t know what he would do if that wasn’t the case.  
Patton gave Virgil a nod and another encouraging smile, before the hug ended, and he sunk out of the room, leaving Virgil alone with his thoughts.  
“Why am I such a mess?” Virgil muttered to himself, making sure he wasn’t loud enough to be heard through the walls. He had asked himself this question many times before. After he first appeared in Thomas’s Taking on Anxiety video, after the Accepting Anxiety videos, and most recently, after Selfishness vs. Selflessness. But now? Now the question had taken a different intonation in his mind. Before, it was more worrying about the present or even the past, but now? Now it was about the future. Now Virgil couldn’t help but think bad things were in his future.

~

“Hello? Nightmare before always?”  
Virgil cursed quietly under his breath. He was not looking forward to dealing with the Pompous, overly dramatic, obnoxious guy that was standing on the other side of his door. Even so, he found himself feeling the need to retaliate with a sarcastic comment of his own.  
“At least I’m consistent. Can we say the same about you, Princey?” Virgil immediately regretted speaking, realizing that his voice was still hoarse from crying earlier. Thankfully though, Roman didn’t seem to notice.  
Virgil felt his lips curl up into a smile when he heard the other side’s signature offended Princey noises.  
“Look, I’m only here to relay a message. Patton told me to let you know dinner is ready.”  
Virgil frowned, staring at the clock above the couch, before remembering that it didn’t actually tell time, but moved extremely quickly. Logan would probably reprimand him for having a clock with no practical purpose, but at this point Virgil didn’t care. He liked the clock. It fit right in to the rest of his dark aesthetic. What he was more interested in right now was the fact that this seemed extremely early for dinner.  
“Really?” he asked, confused, “but it’s only four o’clock.”  
“Virgil, are you alright?”  
“What? I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be alright?”  
There were a few seconds of silence, before Roman spoke again. “Because,” he said, sounding uncharacteristically concerned, “it’s seven.”  
What? Had Virgil really been sitting in the corner of his room, contemplating whether or not he could get away with staying out of the next few conversations Thomas had with his sides for that long? That was unusual, even for someone like Virgil.  
“Oh, well, I’ll be down in a sec.”  
“Virgil, I’m coming in. You’re obviously not okay.”  
“No, really. I’m-”  
Virgil was cut off but the sight of Roman rising up, and glancing around the room,suspicious. He carried his sword, as if looking for an enemy that might be making Virgil upset. When he saw nothing, he focused his attention on the anxious side himself, frowning when he noticed the smeared makeup and tear tracks on his face.  
“Virgil, have you been crying?” He asked, confusion showing on his face. Roman really couldn’t remember ever seeing the other side cry.  
“No. Now go away,” Virgil retaliated, pulling his hood over his face, and turning away from the creative side.  
“I won’t leave until you tell me what’s wrong.”  
Virgil surprised even himself by doing something he hadn’t done in a long time. He hissed at Roman, turning back to the other side with anger in his eyes.  
Roman stared at Virgil for a second, seeming hurt, before speaking. “Well, I suppose I’ll see you at dinner,” he said, sinking out of the room, and leaving Virgil alone once again.  
Virgil stared at his hands, wondering why in the world he would do something like that. He had been trying to be nicer to people for a long time, and it had seemed to be working, at least until now.  
“I’m such an idiot,” Virgil said, burying his face in his hands, before realizing that he still had to show up for dinner. With a sigh, he made his way over to the bathroom, staring at his mess of a face, and washing off the remaining eyeshadow and tear stains. He quickly dried his face before smearing more eye shadow under his eyes, and sinking out of the room.


End file.
